Summer Break 2026

I think I've lost my words - not so much my voice. I still speak - speaking into young individuals' lives is indeed a privilege, I think, although I fail to appreciate it often in the moment. In the moment it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything that important - "it's my job". But away from this job during a nice long summer break; away from people I see and speak to everyday on the job, what words do I have left?

I find my mind drifting back to the person I used to love; to the relationship I tried so hard to safe but couldn't because it was never up to me. I marvel at how short-lived it was and how I still think about it - how pathetic. It was time already a long time ago to stop remembering it this way.

I think I'll write a letter to God about it - but then I think I've said it all. I don't have words anymore - only lots and lots of memories. And an undeniable sadness - it got ruined so completely.

I have hope but I don't know what for. I simply can't help it because I keep living and I keep hoping. There's life inside of me that refuses to give up. I haven't come this far to give up now. I have let go; I have not given up - they're not the same. I have let go of expecting life to be a certain way, but I keep hoping that life will be full in a way it isn't right now. And the best and worst part is that it is not upto me.

I'll wait for better words to form in my spirit. And perhaps I'll them to my children someday.