Life's been unpredictable. I'm enjoying the spontaneity it brings. At this point I feel like I've been suddenly made to grow up into this "working woman" figure of sorts. And I have to admit I kind of like the feeling. However this is not what I am here to write about. My daily routine these days consists quite a lot of traveling, and there are some things which have crossed my mind while I have been hopping buses and rickshaws.
The bus route that I take is 610. Seated in one corner of the bus that I've made my own I look at the faces gradually becoming familiar, doing what they have become so accustomed to doing. I don't see anything beyond that at first glance. I dig a little deeper. I see life. I see people trying to create a little part they can call their own. I see them doing the best they can, and they really are doing the best given their circumstantial limitations. I clearly see they've made certain sacrifices to be where they are. And they keep doing this everyday, little by little. I am overwhelmed by the human determination to survive. It's quite beautiful actually. But then I find that I am confronted by a disturbing question: what beyond this tiny life of 'making ends meet'? This definition of life doesn't fit right, it doesn't fulfill. Is this kind of life all that people are living for? Have they made those sacrifices just so that they could have this little life that only leaves one asking for more? Have they settled for too less? I don't mean to be an arrogant know cum have-it-all person. I write in third person only because a tremendously gracious God chose to open my eyes to see a glimpse of His truth here on earth. It's all His grace, and it's beautiful. And I realize probably all these people I rub shoulders with everyday don't know it yet. Will they ever? It feels so unfair sometimes that some get to experience this meaningful life change while some don't even come close to it, and that's an unfortunate fact. Well, what this brings me to is my next question. And I address this solely to God. What's exactly happening up there? What is this big picture? How does each single individual fit into this Ultimate Plan? You're supposed to care about each and everyone right? What does that mean? Sorry readers, that's not exactly a question. These are many questions, difficult questions.
What about the old beggar I see sitting on the pavement? How was his childhood? And what about his youth? Has poverty been all that he has seen and all that he will ever see? What about him? Has he settled for even lesser, far lesser? Well, did he have a choice? Has he got one right now? Is this it for him? Is this fair?
What does it mean for me or for anyone else claiming to be a follower of Christ for that matter, given this biting reality we face, to really be a disciple of Jesus?..
Here is something I wrote with the old beggar in mind. If it's disturbing for you, know that it really is for me too.
How could have I known
No one ever told me.
How could have I imagined
A God who'd die for me
If we could turn back time
Would you share your bread with me?
My soul hungered for it
Although I knew not something like it
I thirsted many nights
I remained unquenched
Who knew something could satisfy?
I was lost... but looking
No one heard the cry of my heart?..
Then complacent I grew
A suffering familiar doesn't remain so
Hopeless I became
I quit looking
Death seemed easier
But who knew the other side?
Will it not cease?
Will I not cease?
I'm lost in this darkness
It's too late
I'm lost forever..
Where were you?
Where was God?
(Picture Courtesy: Google Images)