Of PMSes and sought after distractions
I think if I think anymore I will definitely go crazy. Something's been on my mind lately but I'm finding it specially difficult tonight. I guess I could blame it on the hormones but I know very well that that isn't entirely the case. But the hormones could very well be making it worse. It's a tough life being a girl. So yea, if you're still reading you've also probably guessed what this post is going to be about. Welcome to the late night babble of a temporarily emotionally-volatile girl. I assure you it's only temporary. I'm quite a nice sane girl normally. I wanted to go to bed early tonight precisely because I didn't want things to come to this. But here I am now and so this is how I am dealing with it. By writing about it! God bless my blog!
Of course I couldn't fall asleep. My mind is especially active because trying to not think about something is making me think about it that much more. We're all familiar with this phenomenon. But it gets worse when you're a natural "over-analyzer". I wish I wasn't like this. I make things much worse for myself than they actually are. Call it a special skill. My imagination knows no bounds! I should channel it for better purposes. I'm still figuring out how to do that. As of now, my desperate cries to God for instant delivery is also not happening. But it gives me comfort to know that there is some girl out there who totally understands what I am experiencing right now. If you are reading this, cheers to the sisterhood! I don't know if it's just me or if other girls also feel a bond of sisterhood with the rest of the female community simply by virtue of belonging to the same gender. I, at least, feel that way. It's like I have this strong patriotic sentiment directed towards the female population. That is why I truly and utterly believe that we shouldn't be stealing boyfriends from each other, among other things, and cause that sort of heartache to one of our female-kind. Causing hurt is a generally wrong thing to do but doing it to your own kind makes the wrongness much more intense. I guess this must be one of my idiosyncratic principles I try and live with just because it totally makes sense to me no matter whether it makes sense to any other person or not. It's like it lives under my skin so I don't have the capability to deny it. Anyway, this is not the topic of my obsession tonight. But it is definitely a good distraction.
I don't know what I'd do without this blog. I journal too but contrary to what I would have thought before, journaling and blogging are not substitutes of each other. In economic terms I would refer to them as complementary goods. I need them both. And I like the fact that blogging leaves open the possibility of someone stumbling upon my blog posts and giving them a read. I guess the feeling of being heard by someone out there is a nice feeling. And right now blogging is also giving me the distraction I need to get through tonight without losing my mind. It's easy to lose your mind being me because I observe too much, read into things too much and, worst of all, feel too much. Feelings are sometimes the worst enemy and they can be very misleading too. This fact imprints in my mind a picture of a narrow road which is getting narrower by the minute. Such a desperate situation we often fall into. You look for alternatives but you have none and all you feel is the dreadful anticipation of finally falling. Except if you could just fly away. What a happy thought that is. Maybe I will fly away one day. On that abrupt but hopeful note I will sign off tonight. Ciao.