Not me

It’s hard to put into words, these thoughts. Things around me seem different although everything’s happening just the way it used to be. I guess the only change is in the way I've been responding. In fact it’s this very change that has made me a stranger to familiar surroundings. I don’t feel like myself although I’m still me somewhere. Why am I here?

I’m tired. I long to be some place else. I desire to experience something new, away from the usual. See the world outside of this space that has become so full of me, it stinks of me. See something outside of me, I’m tired of me. For once I want to cut off from everything that binds, especially me, and breathe in freedom. I want to see the world like it really is and not like the way I think it is. I want to know what it is like to live outside the confines of me. I want to believe that that’s possible.

I want to quit being so selfish. I want to quit being so faithless. I want to quit being such a hypocrite.

I want to learn and know it contributes. I want to see that I don’t live in vain, that I’m not here just to survive, that I’m here for a greater purpose. And I want to see all of that fulfilled. I want to be what my Maker made me to be.

So, why am I here? This place is not my end. This moment is not my end. I need to get out. I want out.