I am still here

I haven't been able to bring myself to publish some of the stuff I've been writing about lately. It either seems not good enough to post them publicly or too private a matter to share. I've been spending all my energy and emotions on a certain thing that I seem to be obsessed with these days. My life seems like a tautology not unlike the statement I just made. It is an overwhelmingly long phrase that holds the tautology raised to the power of infinity. Okay I didn't mean anything by that, really. I have taken to journaling massively because I can write just about everything that my little crazy head cooks up and not worry about being judged. I suppose it is a fortunate thing I believe in a personal and merciful God who is interested in my little insignificant life. All my entries are fondly addressed to Him, and I write with the conviction that He is listening to every word my pen imprints on the pages of my journal. Now if that weren't true you can imagine what a sad thing that would be for me. But like I said, as far as I am concerned that is the truth. I'm not going to explain why or how. That is not why I am writing this post. And anyway I am way too lazy for that right now. Besides it will take me time to prepare my arguments and I don't have the patience either. 

I am starting to get the feeling that this attempt at a blog post is another unpublished draft in the making, but I am probably going to publish it anyway. An act intended to provide as proof I haven't given up on blogging. Journaling is keeping me sane right now but, like I have mentioned previously, journaling and blogging are not substitutes for me. Another idiosyncratic "principle" that guides my life, you could say. I sound like I make such a big deal of small insignificant things. I guess that's how I can appear to the outside world, but I wouldn't want to make the mistake of putting myself in a box. The more I grow the more I learn about my complex nature. Sometimes I think about the way I am and find it hard to not conclude I must be some kind of a freak, a very subtle kind. The person that people see when they look at me is a rather tamed version of myself. Now if that's the case with me it could very well be the same for everyone else around me. This complex nature of us human beings is what intrigues me so very often. What appears is not necessarily what is. I should have probably taken up psychology in college, or maybe anthropology. Some things we learn late. But that's just how reality works. I wonder if there is a way to incorporate this in my field of economics. It overwhelms me to think about all that is out there to be learned and discovered, and it saddens me that this life is simply not enough. Whoa, I should chill now.

So folks, the thing is I could go on and on with this post because I don't have a particular thing to say. And like you have witnessed already I will only end up talking about seemingly unrelated things by connecting them somehow, and that is how it could get unending. Therefore I am going to intentionally bring an end to this. And anyway, my brother is hovering around me at the moment. He wants to Facebook I figure. And he will eventually ask me to get the hell out of here as he runs out of patience. And I'd rather end this post on my own terms. Blah blah. Ciao!


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