Winter, prior and through

It's that time of the year again when even washing your face starts to feel like a challenge. Your fingers are almost falling off most of the time. Winter visits Leh again. Life has been anything but predictable during my time of silence. But this winter brings me hope and cheer, and a lot to look forward to. I finally was able to let go of a burden I had been dragging around behind me like a ball and chain. I was set free, and I am thankful. There is much to be thankful for as I look back on the years of seeking something not knowing what, and all that while oblivious I am walking straight into it all. I am still to discover what it is. I am approaching but not quite there as yet. Maybe that's what the whole of life looks like. Maybe there isn't a final destination.

School continues as usual and I continue to wonder what I am doing here and what exactly is it that I am accomplishing. I feel inadequate to meet head on some of the challenges of working among adolescents. I want to help them, but often I do not know how. I try to inculcate in them something worthwhile that does not read good grades only or at all. However, the truth is, I have only been playing it by the ear. So far, I don't seem to have caused any major damage. And nor have I made any major contributions. But I'll extend myself some grace. Teaching is hard, and quite lethal if taken lightly. The problem is mostly that is the case. I, for one though, have no intention of ruining or distorting young lives. So God help me. And also some real training, which I hope to receive in the near future. The highlight here: I have found my calling. The future awaits.

"There are far, far better things ahead, than any we leave behind." This is the sound of my heartbeat this season. And why should it not be, when there are so many new things stirring inside of me. I know myself today more than I ever have. I recognize a clear change in who I used to be, and who I am. I am learning, so I am living. And it is good. I am learning to look beyond myself and notice other people, and by that really notice their lives and what they go through. I am learning to recognize needs around me, needs that extend far beyond material longings. I am learning to accept. I am learning to forgive. Myself including. I am learning there is no point in seeking to please others. There is only one I desire to please, the one my Redeemer. I am learning it is okay for others to misunderstand me, or assume the worst. Because that doesn't change anything, and life goes on paying no heed to whatever anyone may say. And I must follow suit. I am learning there is no point in holding on to the past, even the good of it. I am learning there are far too many places to be. And I must move.

But for now moving on to something more mundane, I have been counting down days left before I go home at the back of my head. There is much I'd like to do this winter vacation. Exciting plans I mean to bring to fruition. Nothing huge. Plans I would categorize as little joys of life. But mainly though, it is that I miss my home and my family, and their idiosyncrasies. I am also looking forward to meet my spiritual family and just bask in the privilege that they accept me just as I am. And of course the break will do me good in general and refresh my mind, hopefully enabling me to do better work when I get back, or just be a happier person. Just about two more months and I'll be home :).