Thank God I'm thirty

I'm not making this up. Being thirty is quite awesome, and you will slowly start to see why that has been so for me. 

I'm about to start a new semester, and it could possibly be my last semester teaching at Sias. Possibly. I'm waiting to hear from schools after a grueling process of planning and submitting applications to PhD programs. I've been convinced for a while now that PhD is something I must pursue. Now, I'm finally trying to get to it. I only need everything else to cooperate with these plans. 'Only', because, is that too much to ask for? And so, I wait.

A thing of certainty, though, is that I've changed immensely from who I used to be. Perhaps, even from a time as recent as last year, which explains why I personally attach it significantly to being thirty. Overall I must say it's a good change. There are so many unnecessary layers we put on when we are younger. I've begun the process of shedding those layers, and I can tell I have a long way to go. But I am so ready for this unveiling. God knows who is in there beneath all those layers I've put on. Rewinding a bit, however, if I could talk to the person I was ten years ago, I would ask her to take it easy although she probably is not going to listen. If I could talk to that person fifteen years ago, I would gently inform her that the universe does not actually revolve around her; and also try to make her understand that however that may sound initially, embracing it will liberate her in an incredible way. And also maybe throw her for a loop and confound her by telling her that one day she will begin to like herself. 

Change is crucial, and another thing that's crucial sometimes is to not give a fuck, because, what do we even know? Just let life take its course. We may likely discover what we hold on a pedestal actually is not worth even a second look in the context of a lifetime. The time spent adorning it never to be had back. If only we knew better. However, those moments may also occur, when we least expect it, a light flickers. Clarity ceases to elude us if for that one moment. Those moments are ones worthy of record, lest we forget like we often do.  It's an entirely different ball game trying to build a link between those moments of unlikely revelations, and who is to say if they're even supposed to connect at all. It's worth dwelling a little longer on how clarity often comes in tiny moments, often sudden, often in the middle of another thought. Maybe because if they all came together, we'd be done for.

The person I am today is someone learning to take it easy and letting it go, shedding layers. But also willing to go adamantly after those things that remain significant: what gives life and not take it away. All the rest are a sheer waste of time. Best to quit entertaining them, and free us some precious time. I just hope I am identifying them accurately, though that's a matter to dwell on for another time. To sum it all up, I'm being liberated more and more. What's not awesome about that?


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