Dear friends who suck at keeping in touch,

I am not complaining. I suck too. I just needed a way to start this post. 

I have been quiet a while. Losing my habit of chronicling my life has not been the best thing to happen, but it did. I have been busy living, but that is not a valid excuse. The truth is that I have, for a while now, felt an inability to use words to describe life. Life's a little too much sometimes, and sometimes it's a little too less. I won't try and explain it further.

What has led to this attempt to use words in writing again, then, you may wonder. I am actually not quite sure. I think I just want to say hi to you, and I need to do so in writing because that is how I can best express myself. I think I am slightly overwhelmed by all the changes happening in my life, as I observe your lives changing as well. I may not have the nitty-gritty, but I can certainly comprehend (thanks to social media) how each of us has come such a long way. I am faced by the starkness of it all. New place, new job, marriage, new purpose, and whatever else is new. Life seems to have brought so much newness that it makes me want to stop, look back, and dwell a little on all that has been. I cannot move on ahead without sharing with you how I am not who I used to be, although I am still bold Barbara, who is a little bit intense. I wish I could talk to you now and share with you how Abba is changing me. I want to ask how you have been changing. I want to talk about where we were, and where we are now. You may all agree with me when I say that each of us has been a part of the most formative years of our lives. And you may also agree that each of us has changed, since then, in ways we could've never imagined. But those years hold something substantial. It is important to me that I take a moment now to remember. Remember the past that informs my present, remember my friends who once shared life with me, and acknowledge that each one of them gave me something that became a part of me. I get the sense that this is the end of something, and I am about to embark onto something absolutely brand new. But before I do, I need to remember you. And be thankful, irrespective of how we left things off.

You have helped me experience what life is about, and you're helping me now to put it into perspective. I value the role you have played in my life, although we may barely speak anymore. It is hard to not give in to time and distance. All that to say, thank you for your friendship.

Always,

Barbara.

January 9, 2019

Xinzheng, China.