Living in the present

Once I set my mind on doing something I usually must do it come what may. And mostly I don't regret it because if I had been so sure then, I know I must have had a very good reason for it. I trust myself that way. I trust my instinct. And I am not interested in constantly degrading myself or dwelling in deluded humility, if indeed I am a creation of God made after His own image, redeemed by the blood of Christ. If that is so then indeed I have the Spirit of Christ living in me and therefore I choose to respect myself. That is why I wouldn't change a thing. And anyway, no one ever learned without making any mistakes. And making mistakes is not an excuse to throw myself back at a state of damnation. When I know there is nothing that can make me stay down after the fall then I know there is absolutely nothing that will. No matter how discouraging things have turned out to be I am experiencing a possibility of renewed hope and joy for life. All I've had to do is open my eyes and choose to acknowledge that which is right before me. It is a thing caught, not taught if you know what I mean. 

I've been doing a lot better and for a while I've wanted to write an optimistic post, much like my personality in fact. I am a pretty optimistic person by nature notwithstanding all the sob stories I've been telling you all about. But I didn't want a frivolous happy blabber either. It took some time to position myself but here I am now. I would be robbing you of the main story if I didn't tell you that much of who I am is a result of my relationship with Christ. It is He that I owe everything to. And I am thankful that He is my God and my friend. It is not that I suddenly have everything that I want. Things are much the same technically. But I am learning to not focus on what I don't have and to not spend this present life sulking away and in self pity. I see what a mighty waste that would be. I want to be faithful to my present. I want to be set free to live it and enjoy it. True in this present I have much desires I ask God to grant me and I have the future to look forward to for that, but I don't want to simply dwell on a possible future either. The present is what I have and I want to live in it. The present is what I will always have and as long as I am able to embrace that each time no amount of unfulfilled wants and wishes will be able to rob away life out of me. But when I do get what I desire I will enjoy those and also remind myself it is not for the blessings itself that I live but the Blesser, the source of life. And as I enjoy them may the blessings extend to glorify the Blesser in return, as that is the true purpose of all things.

As of now, though, I will enjoy getting up in the morning, even doing routinely things. I will enjoy what I read, what I watch, what I observe, what I write, what I think, what I dream at night. I will enjoy this free time I have because I may never have this luxury again in time to come. I will allow myself to get angry when I must and get over it soon after. I will let myself sulk at the household chores that I must do because I hate doing them, and release a sigh of relief after I have finally managed to do them. I will enjoy being silly too sometimes. I will enjoy a good laugh with friends and family, or even on my own. I will enjoy exploring my options for the future because at the moment I have the freedom to choose, and it is good to finally know with a good amount of certainty about what I want for my life. I will enjoy trying one thing after another. I will enjoy the friendships I have. I will enjoy my KI community. I will enjoy asking God for his opinion over my life and keep asking Him to show me a path until He does, in whatever form He chooses. I will enjoy telling Him what I desire because it is great to say it while meaning it. But most of all, I think I will enjoy getting to know Him better in the process of enjoying the little and not so little things of the present.

(Picture Courtesy: Google Images)