Letting go

Letting go of someone is not a one time act. It is a painfully slow process. This is one lesson life has taught me really well. At its core letting go is a spiritual process. But I believe the individual effort counts too even if it means telling ourselves we're letting go a countless number of times while doing everything that suggests we're hanging on every time we try, until we've finally let go for real. Maybe it is some sort of ritual one goes through as a part of the drill. I'm calling it a drill because I don't know what else to call it. Personally for me every 'trial' in the 'drill' is symbolic of a small part of the person I'm letting go each time I try. And this is precisely the reason that the effort counts for me although it seems to go cold turkey. Of course all this happens in the first place because I will in my mind and heart to let go of the person. Wait, maybe not the heart. And I must let go because that is the only way left. But I fail so many times basically because I don't understand the spiritual realm. I mean, who does? Anyone who thinks s(he) does is set out for disappointment I tell you. And like I said, letting go is a spiritual process so it must happen at the spiritual realm which we don't exactly understand. 

In the Christian faith we talk about a process of healing which is deeply spiritual and emotional in nature. It is only God who can heal those wounds deep within our soul that are inflicted upon us as we go about life. And this is exactly the kind of healing that enables one to completely let go for real. It is this process of healing that has helped me move on from whatever (whoever rather) I have moved on in the past and not my efforts per-se. The efforts are nonetheless important for me simply because it is something I can see. I have this thing for control, if you know what I mean. For me, therefore, opening myself and allowing God to heal me is a tricky thing. Tricky because it is something of the spiritual realm which I don't understand. Besides it is a very vulnerable place to be in considering I have no control once I enter the unknown, as in the spiritual. And I don't know what next or how whatsoever. Besides God is not exactly about working according to my immediate tastes and preferences. A comforting fact actually considering the volatility of my emotions which most often than not direct my immediate tastes and preferences. God does what He knows and I best leave it at that. You could call this a blind leap of faith which is possible to begin with because the fundamental is sort of already dealt with, that being God is good and He loves me. I truly believe that.

Also, another tricky matter is that I don't know how to keep myself open to healing. Consistency is the word. We call it the state of surrender. And the thing is it is too easy to close oneself and run towards exit. I suppose this is what "being human" is. Fear is so much a part of our lives. We fear all sorts of things and we deal with them by pretending they don't exist. We're so much like ostriches that way, although the thing we've heard about ostriches burying their heads in sand at the first sign of danger and all is just a myth they say. Anyway, as long as it makes my point no harm in referring to popular myths once in a while. I think I'm starting to digress here. Let me remind myself that the main thing I'm trying to convey is that letting go of someone dear to us is a painful, tricky and slow process. But it is something we've all got to do at some point or another nonetheless.

I find us humans really funny sometimes, the way we function: how one loves and holds on while the other has already moved way ahead, how one takes unnecessary risks while the other is afraid to even move a finger. Breaking it down to a simple fact I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it is so often that feelings aren't mutual, implying as also efforts. It seems really unfair sometimes. Why couldn't people who give love easily just meet others who likewise give love easily too? That way they could give and take love and just be happy, you know. The risk-takers deserve risk-takers and the cowards can live alone for all I care. That seems fair. But we all know that is not how it is. So it brings me back to the reality that letting go is something we all have to do and therefore we must simply learn how to. And we will all hurt at some point or another and therefore we must simply learn how to receive healing. That's just the way it is.

(Picture Courtesy: Google Images)