An ode to indifference, or not.

It is easy being indifferent. To go through life as an outsider: an outsider to friendships, values, belief systems etc. etc. One common thread that runs through all of these is the feelings we inevitably attach to them. The thing about human nature is, when we are detached from the object under scrutiny, it is easy to remark "Huh...interesting," and simply strut on. This is precisely why indifference is so effortless, because there are no "attachments" to complicate situations. If feeling and indifference were siblings, they'd quarrel all the time. Feeling would keep getting hurt because indifference just about never understands! And indifference would wonder ceaselessly about what the hell could be wrong with feeling. Another thing about our race is that we often look down upon feeling as though it is something to be ashamed of. "You're just too emotional, you know! Think straight for once!" Intelligent people think. Reason is a demigod. So now, you'd think with reason comes an enlightened indifference. A funny thing, though, is that reason actually has a 'feeling cousin'. That one annoying relative who shows up every time one of its disciples feels offended at people for not using it. And that is an irony right there. Indifference, you elusive bitch.

Anyway, I don't think neither feeling or indifference is wrong. They are just what they are. What I am trying to say, though, is that I am jealous of indifference. I wish it would partner with me more often so we could be the blue team together, like in Masterchef Australia. But I always end up in the red team. Unlike in Masterchef Australia, though, the blue team never seems to realize how miserable it makes my red team. As a matter of fact, it doesn't even realize it's the blue team, if you know what I mean. And that makes it a bad thing. There's a comfort in knowing that someone knows you're suffering because of them, you know. This must be one unique situation when blindness is a privilege. And I, who sees it all too clear, wish I was blind. Because blindness, here, is power. What a complex world we live in.

I wonder how many times, if ever, I have played in the blue team against someone else's red team. Another irony here if I may point out to you, my dear readers. Considering all that I have said above, I have basically implied that if ever I was even in the blue team in the past, I never got to know about it. All I've been yapping about in this post is telling you all that I'd be happy if I were the blue team. I'd be powerful. But then I wouldn't know I was if ever I was. So I still wouldn't be happy now, would I? I have to know something good is happening before I can be happy about it, don't I? I still couldn't comprehend how much power I yielded; not that I plan on misusing it, mind you. So this looks like a lose-lose situation to me now. I wouldn't know when I am winning, which sucks. And I would always know I am losing when I am, which sucks too but just a little bit more.

Well then, maybe my life is not that bad after all. It just has a bad sense of humour. Ha!


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