I have been reading quite a lot lately, after having neglected books for so long. I had been feeling pretty dry. Getting the mental exercise I was lacking helps (not that I was doing so great physically either, nor still am). I must say I like it. I feel alive, in a certain sense, the way I haven't felt for a long time. I have a good feeling about it because "I am at least doing something". I'm almost done with the third book and I am beginning to wonder if it'd be so wrong to spend the rest of my days reading, even if I do nothing else. So I ordered two more books, which arrived today. I stumbled upon a quote by someone called Fernando Pesson. I've never heard of this person before but anyway, he said "Literature is the most agreeable way of ignoring life." Haha! Story of my life!, I thought, to my amusement. True, I have been ignoring life like a boss. My mom is so worried about me that I feel for her.
But the thing is, I am okay. For now. The afterthought because perhaps the gravity of the situation hasn't hit me yet. Maybe it will hit me later and I will regret not having taken things a little more seriously. But, you know, I don't think so. Maybe life is not supposed to be taken so seriously. What does taking life seriously mean, anyway? Besides, sometimes going with the flow is the best thing we can do. And I am doing just that. I don't know what else to do. Perhaps, what I've been trying to do lately, even if unknowingly, is to find my "element", borrowing the term from the book I am reading right now. In The Element, Ken Robinson defines the element as "the meeting point between natural aptitude and personal passion". Being in your element is about finding something you are good at and have a passion for. The book goes on to talk about a lot many inter-related things including a critical analysis of the educational system prevalent today. Every educational policy maker ought to read this book. If the ideas presented here by Robinson could someday be incorporated into the educational systems around the world what a revolutionary change it would create! You'll have to read the book yourself to understand my excitement at the thought of it here. The ideas in this book are such a paradigmatic shift. And that is just how much I will talk about this book. My habit to digress stands!
So, I was saying that I am actually just okay. Let's just say this is my time to reflect. God knows I don't want to stay like this forever. I want to step out and actually accomplish things, meaningful things. I know I have the energy to accomplish them but I need to be be clear where and how to direct those energies. Procrastination, then, could perhaps become a tendency. I suppose I'll have to be very careful to avoid it anyhow. I must move forward. I must contribute. And that is what I must keep telling myself, reminding myself. The fear of stepping out and exploring the unknown is there, certainly. But the fear of having done nothing and leading a mediocre life is worse. I have so much I want to give, so much I want to learn, so much I want to see, so much I want to feel. And I pray to God that is just what I will do. I get thoughts about getting older. I am not that very young anymore. I have made some choices without much thought but which have directed my life in a significant way. I can't undo the consequences. So yes, I do not have too much time to waste. I must re-start soon. But for now, I suppose I'll breathe easy some more.
It is a beautiful thing to think, to read into the layers of life and to discover what lies beneath. I think I am doing a little bit of that with reading. And I suppose I will indulge some more on books before going easy on them for a while because I have a test to give. I am not talking in symbolic terms here. I actually do have this national test to write to be able to qualify to teach in Indian universities. I definitely want this option open, so I suppose I will have to give it the effort.
I hope to be back soon. Ciao.