Now

Although I hate to admit it, I often find myself building castles in the air, hoping for a day when I will be swept off my feet by the man of my dreams. He will be kind and compassionate and will love me for who I am. Or more particularly, I dream about meeting this particular guy from my past again, because I can't seem to meet another like him. He set the bar too high. No matter how independent and free-thinking I'd like to portray myself as, I admit to these things. I was having one of these moments this evening, but I caught myself midway and shook myself awake. Sense prevailed, I suppose. Or rather, acceptance arising out of a certain level of spiritual maturity, could I say?

Let me explain. In the Christian culture, of which I am a part of, there is this complimentary belief that young girls are often indoctrinated with, that we are these little princesses and if we remain good girls then one day "at God's perfect timing" we will meet prince charming riding his white horse. Well, they don't put it exactly in that manner, but it is pretty much the picture that is conjured into our feminine heads. And so we hope, and so we wait, because He will bring the right man at the right time. And then we start attaching our present lives with conditions of a possible future. We're saving up today for a happiness of tomorrow. We like Jesus because He has promised us a great husband. Our reflections of our romantic life starts and ends with the words "When I meet him, then..." This is the sort of life that hopes for a future that might never be. This is precisely what I don't want to do. Say you never meet the love of your life, then what? Does Jesus become meaningless to you? Your devotion to Him in the past, a delusion?

I believe in Jesus Christ, and I trust Him. He has good plans for me, but I must accept the fact that those good plans do not necessarily include romantic love or marriage. And knowing that, I must be okay now. I cannot base my relationship with Christ on a promise that I will have romantic love someday. I cannot let myself find comfort in a hope that I will see that guy again. I have to find comfort now, with what is true now, because whatever is true now is the only thing that is true. And knowing that I must be satisfied now. I must be complete in my relationship with Christ now, not only when I meet "the one". I must be happy with Christ now, not because He will send a man to love me one day. I must love and worship Christ now, for who He is and not because He can give me things. I must be complete now, because what is true now is the only thing that is true. Now is what matters. Now is the main thing.

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