"Life is so daily"

A bad news for people is just simply that, a bad news. While for that one certain person it is life. A life that has to be lived out daily. Can you imagine how tiring that could be? A life that feels like a bad dream from which you hope to wake up desperately. Only that it is not a dream. It is a reality that needs to be accepted. How do you come to terms with it? It should be all fine, you imagine, a good year later or so. But the problem is there is no escape from each day before that year is over. You wish to come to the end already, but it has only just begun. It is easy to imagine all would be fine one day, but it is certainly not easy to live every day with the disappointment before that one day finally arrives. It is easy to wish for all things impossible, a miracle. Only, the miracle doesn't happen. How is it that the mind can so readily accept and move ahead, while the heart descends into an abyss of despair? How can two parts of the same person move in separate directions without ripping the person apart? Yes you could tell yourself God has a better plan and He probably does, but you don't see how. You can't. The present is too real. And it is hard to base life on a possible future. It may seem like you do get answers but only after a good time has passed when you somehow don't need answers anymore. But who can assure that that is not simply because "life goes on"? How many desires should one lose along the way while "life goes on"? How many realities does one have to accept while "life goes on"? How optimistic could one remain while making the many compromises that one makes? It does look like a big fat lie sometimes. Like we're all deceiving ourselves just to make ourselves feel better. Maybe I will change my mind about this, again. But for now I have to live everyday like this. I have to wake up every morning to this reality, while I would rather just sleep as long as that keeps me away from it. I have to see my desires being unfulfilled every day, while just a while ago they had all been possibilities. How does one live with that? I have to live in regret thinking everyday about all the things I could have done differently. I have to live everyday in this state until a change happens, hopefully.


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